Will Today Bring a New Song?

"I waited patiently

 for the Lord

and he heard my cry...

He put a new song in my mouth." 

Psalm 40:1-3

Waiting is hard. My tears are real and they hurt. Sometimes I feel as if no one is listening. I feel all alone in my grief. Like the old spiritual that wails, "Nobody knows the trouble I've seen. Nobody knows my sorrow," I, too, wail as I wait. It does not feel good, but it is all I know to do on many days as I grieve.. and as I wait.

Wait for what? Wait for my situation to be reversed? Wait for explanation to the unexplainable? Wait for resolution? Restoration? Healing?

Maybe the key is in how we wait...

The psalmist waited patiently. Ah, patience.  A word that is more and more foreign to our self-reliant and self-confident nature.

Patience comes from the Latin word for suffering. Waiting is often referred to as long-suffering. Grievers can breathe a sigh of relief because that word explains the empty abandonment a griever can feel.

But maybe the other key is the One on whom we wait...

The psalmist waited "patiently for the Lord."

And what did the Lord do? He heard my cry! Did you hear that? The Lord heard my cry and then he "put a new song in my mouth."

Why does the Lord do that? Because we have placed our will under the will of God.We have turned to God and trusted Him with our grief. We have become less and allowed God to be more. We have learned to say like someone else said, "Not my will, but Thy will be done."

And then one by one, little melodic notes of a new song begin to chime in our hearts.

(adapted from Waiting on God by Andrew Murray, Day 14)

Deciding Who We Will Be This Thanksgiving

I start thinking about Thanksgiving on the first day of November. Who will be at my table and what delicious foods will be served.

But yesterday was All Saints Sunday. We remembered those we love who have left this life in the past year.  Their names were called as a candle was lit and the bell tolled. We remembered all of those people who have gone on in the past, giving thanks for their lives and their impact on our lives of faith. It is a day of remembrance. It is a day of hope. We face the future without them, but look to the day when we will see them again.

Being part of a service like this is reminder of our statement of faith. And a statement of faith is important to someone going through this process of grief. Because grief twists us and turns us in directions that make us writhe in pain, make us wonder, make us uncertain of who we are.

And we falter and become uncertain of what we truly believe.

And somewhere in our twisted, painful grief, we decide down in our soul who we will be.

And the heightened emotions around the holidays make it all more intense.

I think we have four choices:

We will hold fast to our faith and dig deeper to know God better. We experience a peaceful sort of joy in our sorrow. It is through our trust in Jesus Christ that the Holy Spirit can minister to us and help us through the difficulty of grief.

We will walk away from our faith, blaming God for not healing or protecting our loved one. We become cynical,bitter, and angry. But God never gives up trying to get our attention.

We will experience faith in Christ for the very first time. We start to grow in trust and love.Our priorities change and God begins to reveal himself to us more and more. We have found something to cling to that is real and eternal. We have hope.

We will decide to not decide, but stay on the fence, retreat and wonder, living an undecided life. We have heard the Good News of Christ, but just can't quite believe that Jesus died for us and has provided a way where death is not our final destiny.

Right now is a good time to decide who you will be in your grief. In  a few weeks, we will be sharing the Thanksgiving table with those we still have with us. Who will you be at that table? Will love and peace abound along with platters of food? Will gratitude be abundant?

It's your grief. You choose.