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Three days is not a very long time in which to put together a service for someone you love. You might have gotten sudden news and had to plan a service in total shock. You might not even remember it. That is normal but not at all fair. Death is never fair. I had to wait for the funeral to come to me. You see, I knew my daughter was dying. In fact, I planned her service at Christmas. Then it lingered toward Easter. And as summer blended into fall, it really happened.
I was still in shock. Death brings shock whenever it comes. We are never fully prepared. And we cannot think clearly. To this day, I cannot remember calling my family and best friends. But I can vividly remember stacks of paper plates and plastic cups appearing in my kitchen.I remember the bird feeder always being full. I remember everyone talking softly when all I wanted to do was scream.
My church was instrumental in leading us through those days. The church is a place where the needs of the heart are met. When my family could barely breathe, the church stepped in to plan, finalize, prepare, and serve us with love and compassion.
My friend in Colorado found herself planning a funeral unexpectedly. Afterward, she published a little book that everyone should have on the shelf, ready for that unexpected moment.
How to Plan a Funeral &Other Things You Need to Know When a Loved One Dies by Liz Cowen Furman
Beacon Hill PressBuy the Book
3 comments:
Marcia - this really touched me as I read it the same day I attended a beautiful memorial service for a dear friend from our church, which also happened to be the 2 year anniversary of the loss of our dea son Dylan and the service we planned for him. Planning a memorial service is tough no matter when or how it happens and then planning one for your child is even more difficult - it is "out-of-order" as I reminded God! We adopted 3 terminally ill children and when the first of the 3 died, I was so ill-prepared and he died around the holidays (week between Christmas and New Years). Very few people were around to assist us and frankly planning his service is still a blur to me to this day. I regret that now, because when the other two died, we did have services that were carefully and thoughtfully planned with a lot of support from family, friends and the church and gave us a rich and deep opportunity to grieve but also honor and rejoice in the blessings from their lives. I agree with you that the book is a great resource and talking ahead of time about your ideas, needs and wishes to your pastor as well as close members of your family. My dad even had a folder that included a couple of readings and hymns he wanted for his funeral and it really helped us (his daughters) immensely. I have started a similar folder. When reviewing my dad's folder we had good conversations, some tears and some laughs about why he selected those particular readings and hymns and what they might have meant to him. It was a rich blessing. Thanks Marcia for these wonderful post and the opportunity to reflect . . .your sister in both grief and joy - Sue B
Thank you, Sue. You are amazing woman. I am so glad I met you at CCC.
Your words will encourage many, I know...
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