Finding Healing in Retreat - From Hostility to Hospitality

A month ago - or two - I wrote about moving from loneliness to confident solitude. This is a movement in our losses, in our struggles, and in our own journey of healing to this place of confident solitude. It is knowing we are loved by God, our Creator in a way no earthy love could ever fulfill.  When we make this discovery, we learn to love the God relationship and we work to stay in tune and in touch with our Creator. That is what God intended from the beginning. We are loved. We are cherished. It matters not how we are tossed around by others and the events of life. We become real like the skin horse in the story the Velveteen Rabbit. Real through the cross of Christ. We find that we can have solitude with Him and it is more than enough.

The phone call from church reminded me that our church theme for the new month is hospitality. Coming home - you know, back to church, back to worship after the events of summer. Coming home to friends and fellowship, music and worship. Home to a faith community who loves God and loves each other.

And so how do we, confident in who we are in Christ, then open ourselves to the richness hospitality provides. Or do we? Are we really safe enough to let go of our inner hostilities to be hospitable? To ourselves? To one another?
Henri Nouwen offers up his thoughts on this second movement in the Christian life. It goes back to the first movement - trusting in God who frees us from all loneliness. And when we are free in the knowledge of who we are, then we can begin to let down the barriers that prevent us from becoming even more - a person who is okay and trusts their "realness" in full view of others. We can be free to be who we were intended to be. We are safe in our transparencies. We let go of anger and blaming and injustices. We become people of grace and forgiveness and acceptance.

I have discovered through the years that a retreat is a safe way to let go and open up to the richness of hospitality. Especially for mothers who have lost children, a retreat becomes a special healing place. and when healing occurs, we find we can be hospitable to ourselves and then to our families and then to the world around us.


One might ask, "Why in the world would I want to go to a retreat where 20 other mothers bring their grief-stricken hearts together? Isn't it just about too much grief in one room?" And I would answer,"Yes. It is a lot of grief. But something mysterious and beautiful happens. One mom is brave enough to start talking. Another joins in. One says nothing and cries. No one dominates or tries to "fix" another. We just let it flow naturally, guided by scripture and questions that keep us on track. We break and find strength in the marsh air. We rest and regroup. And we heal. We leave on that third day with more hope than we brought with us. We return to our grief work with tools and encouragement for our ongoing work of finding a different way in our lives without our child.

If you are grieving the loss of a child, or know someone who is, please forward this to them and encourage them to participate on November 7-9 at the beautiful Epworth by the Sea in St. Simons, GA.  To register, go to www. epworthbythesea.org.