Another birthday today.
Another milestone crossed. She would be 39. While I had
years with my mom and could write down memories of her, I can only
imagine what Megan’s life today would look like. We all got robbed from having
years together – as a daughter, sister, and friend. But we had 27 years
together and we are grateful for many, many good times. She will never be
forgotten.
All of us have someone we have lost, but will never forget –
a spouse, a parent, a sibling, a child, a friend, a pet. It is healthy to
remember and reflect on the time we had with those people. To laugh, shed a
tear or two, to wonder – those emotions are healthy and keep us “real” in this hard
life. I posed a question to my husband the other day, asking him how long it
takes him to choke up when he thinks of Megan now, after almost 12 years. He
thought for a minute and said it varied. He said some days he could remember and
sigh and move on. But other days those
thoughts could strike a painful blow, like bad news you have heard for the
first time. It was good to just talk about it.
Most of us are the same. We get blind sighted by a random thought
or memory. We might be busy with a project or a deadline but we take a breath
and push through, but if we find ourselves with some time on our hands we might
allow a few tears. I’m no grief counselor, but I say that is perfectly normal. When
we push through, we are likely pushing those feelings down inside and as we all
know, sooner or later they will find their way out – in a healthy way or not so
healthy. I know because I’ve done both.
What is troublesome today as we try to manage through this
pandemic, so many are not able to share the pain of loss with close family and friends.
We are experiencing serious illness and death and we feel all alone in our sorrow,
uncertain how to maneuver through. I am not sure I could have survived the
18-month illness of a child had I not had the love and support of family and
friends who were much closer than 6 feet. Of all the times when we need
closeness, now we are asked to stay apart. Take that lonely sorrow and grief and
multiply it by 163,000 current deaths in the US alone and we have a great
sadness that is impossible to measure. How do we comfort others? How do we
share in their loss?
These disruptions in our normal routines and rhythms of everyday life contribute to the lingering unease and sadness that we are all feeling. Not only are we mourning the loss of thousands but we are also mourning the loss of normalcy, from seeing our co-workers to engaging in the mundane routines that we previously took for granted.
I said earlier we got robbed of years together. But we did not get robbed of a future together. And I say that to all who are experiencing loss and disruptions today. The many millions of us. Sometimes I must reach for Randy Alcorn’s book 50 Days of Heaven and reread to remind myself that we are all passing through this life. It is not our final home. Take me seriously. By thinking about Heaven, we don’t eliminate our pain, but as he says, “We can alleviate it and put it in perspective. We are reminded that suffering and death are only temporary conditions.”Alcorn says grasping what the Bible teaches about Heaven will shift our center of gravity and radically alter our perspective on life. It will give us hope, a word the apostle Paul uses 6 times in Romans 8.
So we have hope....because we know we have a future together.
