Another Birthday

 

Another birthday today.

Another milestone crossed. She would be 39. While I had years with my mom and could write down memories of her, I can only imagine what Megan’s life today would look like. We all got robbed from having years together – as a daughter, sister, and friend. But we had 27 years together and we are grateful for many, many good times. She will never be forgotten.

All of us have someone we have lost, but will never forget – a spouse, a parent, a sibling, a child, a friend, a pet. It is healthy to remember and reflect on the time we had with those people. To laugh, shed a tear or two, to wonder – those emotions are healthy and keep us “real” in this hard life. I posed a question to my husband the other day, asking him how long it takes him to choke up when he thinks of Megan now, after almost 12 years. He thought for a minute and said it varied. He said some days he could remember and sigh and move on.  But other days those thoughts could strike a painful blow, like bad news you have heard for the first time. It was good to just talk about it. 

Most of us are the same. We get blind sighted by a random thought or memory. We might be busy with a project or a deadline but we take a breath and push through, but if we find ourselves with some time on our hands we might allow a few tears. I’m no grief counselor, but I say that is perfectly normal. When we push through, we are likely pushing those feelings down inside and as we all know, sooner or later they will find their way out – in a healthy way or not so healthy. I know because I’ve done both.

What is troublesome today as we try to manage through this pandemic, so many are not able to share the pain of loss with close family and friends. We are experiencing serious illness and death and we feel all alone in our sorrow, uncertain how to maneuver through. I am not sure I could have survived the 18-month illness of a child had I not had the love and support of family and friends who were much closer than 6 feet. Of all the times when we need closeness, now we are asked to stay apart. Take that lonely sorrow and grief and multiply it by 163,000 current deaths in the US alone and we have a great sadness that is impossible to measure. How do we comfort others? How do we share in their loss?

These disruptions in our normal routines and rhythms of everyday life contribute to the lingering unease and sadness that we are all feeling. Not only are we mourning the loss of thousands but we are also mourning the loss of normalcy, from seeing our co-workers to engaging in the mundane routines that we previously took for granted. 

I said earlier we got robbed of years together. But we did not get robbed of a future together. And I say that to all who are experiencing loss and disruptions today. The many millions of us.  Sometimes I must reach for Randy Alcorn’s book 50 Days of Heaven and reread to remind myself that we are all passing through this life. It is not our final home. Take me seriously. By thinking about Heaven, we don’t eliminate our pain, but as he says, “We can alleviate it and put it in perspective. We are reminded that suffering and death are only temporary conditions.”Alcorn says grasping what the Bible teaches about Heaven will shift our center of gravity and radically alter our perspective on life. It will give us hope, a word the apostle Paul uses 6 times in Romans 8.

So we have hope....because we know we have a future together.