Angels Watching Over Me

I was a creature of habit. After my daughter died, I would sit in my bedroom, facing the wall without Megan or her hospital bed. I would gaze at the collection of art still hanging above the place where she rested with us for 16 months. It somehow comforted me - those words: "He is making all things new," "God cares for you," and "For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all ways." I would probably cry some, and work hard to help my heart believe that the journey was now over. My loved one was no longer present. I would now have to look for the "new" God was making in me. I would have to trust in His care and believe that angels were guarding me. Could I trust like that?

It is a choice we must make when we are the one left behind. We cannot help but feel empty and alone. We cannot help but feel lost. That is normal and part of a process we do not want to face. Those first few weeks become a blur of trying to simply put one foot in front of another. We find ourselves spending much of our time alone with our grief. This is healthy for only we can experience this initial pain and shock of death. No one can do it for us. And postponing facing our grief by staying too busy will only prolong the healing.

But Faith is waiting to help us in our grief. I call it "God's Support Group of One." God does care for us. God is making all things new. God does command angels to guard us in our ways. Just sitting in God's presence alone is a great healer. The words of even the most well-meaning loved ones must wait for God himself to begin the healing in our souls.

In time - and you will know when the time is right - support groups offer further healing. It is helpful to find people who have had similar experiences and know how this grief truly feels. You probably won't want to go at first, but after the initial step, you discover the benefits. All wounded from some loss. All vulnerable to revisiting their pain. And yet, all discovering that as they revisit, remember and share their sorrow, healing begins its process.

Maybe one of the excellent online support groups listed below will help you on your journey. Begin with the personal faith and knowledge that God loves you. Then reach out and take someone's hand.

Open to Hope
Bereaved Parents USA
The Compassionate Friends
GriefShare