I Hate The Corona Virus!

"The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." 

Psalm 34:18

     (This post was published 7 years ago.  I have added some timely thoughts, but for the most part, some things just never change. The cross pictured is perched against a tree in my front yard. A man who is out of work because of the Corona Virus can't make them fast enough.)

Today I drove by a house that had a sign in the front that said, "We're Fighting Cancer Inside." Another sign said, "Honk If You Hate Cancer." Part of me wants to simply lay on the horn and keep it on all the way down the street. For it is not just in one home, but many homes. Many hospitals. I want to blare the horn so long and loud that my friend several states away receiving treatment can hear me cry out, "I hate cancer!"

And today we all cry out, "I hate the Corona Virus."

I have not had cancer nor the Corona Virus (to date), but I would think that when the diagnosis is given, the first thoughts of the patient might include, "Well this is it. This is what will get me." Fortunately today, cancer and viruses are being fought fiercely through innovative treatments and new medicine. There is hope. And there is full recovery.

But in reality, sometimes there is not recovery. Sometimes we fight and fight, but in the end, we are overtaken by death. When my daughter received her diagnosis, there was no hope - maybe a few months of life to live, but in the end, her disease would kill her. Oh, we prayed for a miracle. We prayed for a mistaken diagnosis. We prayed for healing. But Megan's time on earth was done. God allowed her to come to Him and we were all left here to try and make sense of it.

That's when God came close to me, the broken-hearted one. That's when God drew near to me - the one who was crushed in spirit. I loved the Lord Jesus and said no matter what, I would not turn my back on the God I loved. That was 12 years ago. And I still love the God who did not heal my child.

Mad? No. (Well, not any more)

Sad? At times.

Full of questions? Sometimes.

Hopeful? Always.

Why? Because Jesus overcame this mystery called death. Jesus is alive and because He lives, when I die I will also live because I trust in the One who overcame death on the cross of Easter.

How can I be so sure? Scripture says so.

Do I believe it? Every single word.

How can I be so sure? I keep on reading, praying, and trusting. It's faith.

If you have received some kind of diagnosis, know someone who has, or are mourning the loss of a loved one, God's promises are all true. They are available to be received the minute your heart is broken - even before it is crushed.

Let Him come near today.

Angels Watching Over Me

I was a creature of habit. After my daughter died, I would sit in my bedroom, facing the wall without Megan or her hospital bed. I would gaze at the collection of art still hanging above the place where she rested with us for 16 months. It somehow comforted me - those words: "He is making all things new," "God cares for you," and "For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all ways." I would probably cry some, and work hard to help my heart believe that the journey was now over. My loved one was no longer present. I would now have to look for the "new" God was making in me. I would have to trust in His care and believe that angels were guarding me. Could I trust like that?

It is a choice we must make when we are the one left behind. We cannot help but feel empty and alone. We cannot help but feel lost. That is normal and part of a process we do not want to face. Those first few weeks become a blur of trying to simply put one foot in front of another. We find ourselves spending much of our time alone with our grief. This is healthy for only we can experience this initial pain and shock of death. No one can do it for us. And postponing facing our grief by staying too busy will only prolong the healing.

But Faith is waiting to help us in our grief. I call it "God's Support Group of One." God does care for us. God is making all things new. God does command angels to guard us in our ways. Just sitting in God's presence alone is a great healer. The words of even the most well-meaning loved ones must wait for God himself to begin the healing in our souls.

In time - and you will know when the time is right - support groups offer further healing. It is helpful to find people who have had similar experiences and know how this grief truly feels. You probably won't want to go at first, but after the initial step, you discover the benefits. All wounded from some loss. All vulnerable to revisiting their pain. And yet, all discovering that as they revisit, remember and share their sorrow, healing begins its process.

Maybe one of the excellent online support groups listed below will help you on your journey. Begin with the personal faith and knowledge that God loves you. Then reach out and take someone's hand.

Open to Hope
Bereaved Parents USA
The Compassionate Friends
GriefShare

Who will Go with Me?

It was four years ago tomorrow, September 12, 2008, my oldest daughter died from a rare, neurological disease. I thought I was moving through my grief at a modest pace--knowing that it is different for every person. I had lots of time to be alone, to write, to talk it through with family and friends. I thought maybe...just maybe I was coming through the darkness.

But as spring turned to summer, I sensed a dread in my soul. I had no energy and needed more sleep. I didn't want to be with my dearest friends. Crying came easily and often. As the pattern continued, I wondered if I was relapsing into some depression...or even worse, wondered if I had ever gone through what I was supposed to have gone through four years ago.

 I will tell you I made it through that darkness, but I know I am on a grief journey that will probably last as long as I live. I plan to move along, finding my way, getting lost and then found again - over and over. But I know I must go deeper now, learning more about grief and why we are so different in this process of suffering. I must learn how some people go on a fast journey and others never begin their healing. I want to heal.

So how is it for you? Obviously, you are visiting this grief site because you  are grieving or you know someone who is grieving.  Isn't that all of us? Maybe you just need a grief friend. I can be that for you. We can "talk grief." If you have lost a person you loved, we speak the same language.

I invite you to come on this journey with me. Don't be afraid. I will share my story of loss, hope, and faith, revisiting that first year after my loss. I hope it will help you.Together we will heal. Together we will be stronger.