On Writing The Personal Note

She's writing more notes these days. She has always written lots of notes, but sheltering has given her more time to put her thoughts into words as she encourages others.

I mean who doesn't like to reach in the mailbox and pull out a hand-written note? Whether it's a thank-you, a get-well wish, or a seasonal celebration, the hand-written note is always special. But the one letter that is often hard to write for all of us is the letter of condolence.

This note takes more time and thought so we put it off. 

It takes compassion and courage so we back away. 

We simply do not know what to say so we don’t say anything.

And the weeks go by and we begin to feel guilty and the note goes unwritten. 

And we feel ashamed .

This morning I sat down and composed a letter to a friend who recently lost her husband. While I have not had that experience, I know loss. I wanted my words to convey an understanding, yet an acknowledgement of respect for her grief.  I wanted her to know some of my memories of her loved one and what I prayed for her. I felt comfortable in sharing a bit of my own loss, but only as it could relate to hers. I had to think hard about that – you know, to not make it about me. I had to say those simple words, “I am sorry for your loss.”

Maybe you have found yourself floundering for the right words to say in a time of loss. But finding the right words does not mean using too many words. Sometimes less is more when sincerity and thought are utilized.  Spend some time  with your heart, thinking about what you really want to say. 

Here are a few suggestions for writing that letter.

1.       Be prompt in your writing, but also remember that often a note written months later can be timely for the recipient. I often receive notes that could not be better timed. When you feel the nudge, get to work.

2.       Use the name of the person often. The receiver appreciates hearing the name of their loved one. Recall something you shared together. Create a memory. Make them smile through your words.

3.       Never refer to yourself as it relates to their experience. This is not about you. For example, do not say, “I just cannot imagine what you are going through” or “I don’t see how you can go through this” or “I know you are stronger in your faith than me.”

4.       Never give advice unless you are asked and then be very careful with your answers.

5.       Only offer scriptures and religious quotes that mean a great deal to YOU. Maybe it is something you found meaningful or you memorized. Please….save the sermons for church. 

6.       A card is often the most appropriate choice with a personalized sentence or two. Don’t feel you must always write a letter.  And keep some generic sympathy cards on hand.

7.       Remembering an anniversary is very special. It doesn’t have to arrive on the actual date, but receiving a note that says, “I know this month brings many memories. I am thinking of you” is a reminder to that person that others do remember and care.

We have this writing opportunity laid before us more often than we would like.  Today is the perfect day to sit down and write a letter to someone. There are people you know who would benefit from getting a note from you. Who are they? The question becomes, “Will we take the challenge and respond to those around us who need an encouraging word? Will we take the time to search our own souls to find the compassion and courage it takes to reach out? Can we pause long enough to discover who we are, unmasking our own feelings and  fears? We must learn to understand our own hearts and then reaching out becomes a natural overflow. 

And the words come.

 1 Thessalonians 5:11 "Encourage each other and build each other up."